Jeremiah Quill: Fighting fire with blistering satire

Introducing a powerful new voice for The Resistance

My name is Jeremiah Quill and I am a citizen of the sovereign nation of Rivermede.

Rivermede (pop. 2) is a 0.01093-square-mile nation founded in 1750 that exists within the geographical boundaries of the state of Maine and the United States of America. Though we were founded nearly a quarter-millennium ago, we did not declare our sovereignty until Tuesday, November 5, 2024.

The USA has long fancied itself a “superpower.” We like to think of Rivermede as a micropower. Our boundary lines are small, but our imagination is boundless. For example: We are home to the worldwide headquarters of Triple Action Enterprises (more on this in future reports).

OK. Time to get down to business.
I don't know if you've heard … but America is in big trouble, people.

The world’s richest man has purchased the president of the United States; then the president gave the man with the most greenbacks the greenlight to do whatever he wants.

Yes, a Trump-Musk-Oligarch Axis has seized control of America and launched a multi-pronged molestation of the nation Washington, Jefferson, Hamilton and their fellow Founders founded in 1776.

Unfortunately, our “leaders” seem powerless to thwart the hostile takeover. The Republicans are either fully complicit, spineless, gutless or all of the above. The Democrats appear helpless, hapless, lost in the bewilderness — running around like donkeys with their heads cut off.

While Musk-led hackers ransack the federal Treasury and any agency they please, Trump stocks his Cabinet with hacks appointed to wreck the departments of Justice, Defense, Intelligence, Health, Education, you name it.

But I’d bet elevendy-seven trillion dollars that you already know this.

Several important questions here:

• What the fuck, America?!

• What are we gonna do about it?

Also of crucial importance: Why should you spend any of your valuable time reading my thrice-weekly, high-caliber bulletins?

Short answer: Because I pledge to blast the perpetrators of the ongoing cuckoo coup with what I call “blistering 451°F satire.” I choose this phrasing because today’s five-alarm, America-on-fire scenario calls to mind the 1953 Ray Bradbury novel “Fahrenheit 451.”

Here are some of my key qualifications:

• 30+ years newspaper journalism experience

• 50+ years political satire experience

• Advanced politically incorrect wordplay skills

• Rabid contempt for what these domestic terrorists are doing to US

Education:

During the “Great Covid Quarantine” of 2020, I earned a triple Ph.D. from Triple Action University, choosing three now vitally important fields of study:

• Trumpian Govern-Mental Philosophy

• Rhapsodic Satirical Communications, and

• Thermonuclear Gonzo Pseudo-Journalism

I also possess the following invaluable capabilities:

• Red, white and blue-hat hacker skills I use to fight evil (for example, hacking into Musk’s computers to see what he’s up to)

• Cutting-edge ninja training that enables me to penetrate heavily fortified buildings, compounds and databases (for example, busting into the Pentagon, SpaceX, Mar-a-Lago, even the White House for insider scoops)

• Zen mastery in disguise, camouflage, spycraft, cloak and dagger subterfuge (Quill, Jeremiah Quill … at your service)

I will be using these skills and many more to bring you first-person reports from the front lines of The Resistance.

Thank you.
Stay tuned and stay vigilant!